Saturday, I headed to Barnes & Noble to finally get a book to fix my Charles de Lint/Fall reading craving. At first, it looked as if all they had were his collection of short storties about Newford and its characters. Which would have been fine, except the last book I read, he wrote in 2001 and was a novel based on the characters from the short stories. It was called The Onion Girl....and oh how I loved that book!
Anyway...I was hoping he had another novel out and would continue with Newford.
After I walked around and looked at the new releases in paperback to see if anything there interested me...I went back to the fantasy area and luckily looked beyond the alphabetical area that deLint would be in. Sure enough...a new novel!! And it was continuing with Newford! YAY!!!
I went home very happy!
This one is titled Spirit in The Wires.

Now, I need to explain the premise of his stories in order to get to the point of this post. (yes, I'm sorry, it is about more than the fact that I bought a book to read)

First, he writes Urban Fantasy...meaning, they are based in the here and now, but still filled with magic and the fey and spiritworld.
His concept is that anything imagined (such as characters in a book) do indeed manifest (since manifestation begins with a thought of something not already there yet...which is how I believe)
So, when a writer writes a book and spends all that time creating a character, that character is 'born'. They live in the Borderlands which is the area between our 'reality' and the spiritworld.
The other concept is called shadow people.  This is the shadow aspects of us that Carl Jung wrote about. Meaning, at a very young age, when we begin to be affected by our environment and parents, we cast off parts of ourselves that we feel we 'shouldn't' have. These cast off parts are born and real. They are given essence not only by the fact that they were once us, but also by the spirit world and they live in the Borderlands, but they can come and go freely between the worlds.

I couldn't sleep last night, so got up, took my usual 2 aleve and sat and read. I love how he uses this concept and was thinking to myself as I read...wouldn't it be funny to discover that the imaginary family I created as a child were all real and living somewhere?

After an hour of reading, I decided to give sleep a try again, but got to thinking about our time at Hookah Joe's that  evening. On Sunday nights they have a live band, and a bellydancer. We joined friends and were there for three hours to enjoy the entertainment. I have never been around middle eastern music a lot, but since they have been playing it more at Joe's and we have now been there twice for the bellydancing and live band, I have been hearing it more and more. I find myself very drawn to it.
It is like it is tapping on the shoulder of some lost part of me. I do  know that I have a re-occurring image of me in another life in Eygypt. I was some sort of royalty and knew I was very powerful and could do whatever I pleased.
Eygyptian symbols have been finding their way into my artwork in the last 2 weeks and I am very curious as to what is trying to get my attention.

As well, when I crawled into bed, I thought about two characters that I created back when I was writing. They became very important to me. They were wild, rebellious and free-spirited, as well as very powerful.
As I was falling asleep, I thought....I wonder if they are out there as well...........


So, this morning I woke up from this dream about my youngest daughter as a little girl. In reality she was my most stubborn and rebellious child. She questioned and argued with me on just about every issue and she made parenting very challenging.
In the dream, she was driving me crazy and I was trying to get her to settle down and play with this tricycle instread of this gocart type thing she wanted to play with. We fought and argued and I told her..."Look, you have this big beautiful yard, with grass, and a tree, and this big front porch and a big back porch (where I lived was very nice and the porches were indeed big) and I kept trying to convince her she had everything she needed so she better behave and not cause trouble.
So, for some reason there was this guy there...I left that place (he stayed to watch the kids I guess...I told him as I was leaving..."I'll check back in 15 minutes, if she isn't behaving, I'll take her home for a nap." (in real life...she HATED naps!) and walked to my house.  I was wearing designer clothes and high heels and the house I went into was very big and nice.(I've never been a designer clothes/high heels gal)
 I wanted to watch Ellen and Oprah and was mad that the whole thing with her caused me to miss part of it and I was trying to find it on the little TV that sat on the kitchen floor. I decided to wipe off this huge kitchen counter (it was like an island) so I could put the little TV on it to watch the show.
The guy from the other house came in and told me how to get to the right channel and he said Oprah was on.
I got the TV on and as I am scrubbing the counter, Oprah asks..."As a woman, what is easier to be friends with, females or males?" I responded..."Oh definately males."

So, this guy sits down and says..".Man, she weas wears me out! What is she like in school?"
 I said..."Yeah, she wears me out as well...in school she is trouble. She is ok with creative projects but has a hard time with academia."

Then I woke up. I was thinking about how I was dressed, who this guy was...the big yard and big porch...and how interesting it is that I always dream about her when she was little and such a handful. (She grew up to be very loving and giving...not rebellious, but bold.)
So, then I asked...why is it that I dream so often of her as a child?

She represents those parts I cast out....I think I am more like her than not. I was a rebellious kid...but it was beaten out of me. I still had my bold self that came out once in a while throughout my life, but typically I shut it away and tried to be good.
If I wasn't good, I would get hurt, or hurt others.
I think my first hsuband was attracted to me because of my free spirit, but then it scared him and he shut himself off...so once again, I got the message that if I was wild, I would lose out. (And by wild, I don't mean breaking laws and ruining my body with drugs etc...I just mean...free to do what I felt I wanted to do and not care what anyone thought...you know...that 'wild' women aren't allowed to be?)

I thought about the past 10 years with Eman and how I was so deperate to have someone accept me...him, his family...that I played it safe.  I also felt I had to be good to get my kids back in my life.
And I was so busy playing it safe, that I attracted these controlling women who wanted to run my life and live through me.
It hit me that I was finally free to bring those lost aspects back into the light
 I don't care or need to have my sisters approval anymore (this last episode with her brought all of that to conclusion) or my dad's ( we have the only type of relationship he is able to have...we talk twice a year, he tells me all he is doing...the end.) I know my kids won't judge me...I got to know Eman's family better and now don't care what they think of me.
And I know Eman supports me. Old friendships that weren't healthy have ended.....the only extended family member left in my life is my cousin, she supports me.....wow...there is no need anymore to try to meet with approval.
No need to hide away who I really am.

I looked up some dream symbols and their meanings:
Males in our dreams if we are female are aspects of our  subconscious selves. This guy was neutral as far as how he acted...and I'm not sure what he was 'doing'...he wasn't controlling or telling me what to do...he was just 'there'. So, he either represented the part of me that realized I was trying to 'control' my rebellious self or he represented my whole self and made me realize what was going on.

Clothes in a dream represent how we express ourselves and what we allow others to see. The designer clothes 'wasn't me' and I think was more of a 'good girl' image. I can't wear high heels in real life because of the problems with my feet....I also dreamed a few nights ago that my feet were both cut off....feet are our spiritual foundation. My sense of security has been residing in outer accomplishments and what others think instead of in my inner accomplishments and spiritual security.

Televison is using imagination to visualize for manifesting...pretty self explainatory.

A House represents the dreamers mind. My house, I noted, was large and beautiful, yet, not familar. This means there is some skill or ability I have yet to recognize.
I really noted the big porch...but not sure what that means....other than it is the one area of our homes that 'others see' first. Hmmmmm
Besides the porch, I pointed out a nice yard and a tree. This is about how my conscious thinking affects my Inner Self.

I have a  feeling that just as I got so much out of The Onion Girl beyond it being a great story....with this new book new revelations are in store as well. And now, maybe I can get back to MY path.
And aren't you glad you have had a peek inside my psyche?  LOL

You did a great job of dream analysis. More people need to do that - and they would find their lives easier to deal with.

Now I know why we are drawn to each other:
"It is like it is tapping on the shoulder of some lost part of me. I do know that I have a re-occurring image of me in another life in Eygypt. I was some sort of royalty and knew I was very powerful and could do whatever I pleased.
Eygyptian symbols have been finding their way into my artwork...." That's me, too.

You are such an insightful woman! Your mind must run 100mph. I like that because it reminds me of me. I think you do a great job of analyzing your dream. I try to do it as frequently as possible. These kinds of posts are great because I can really get to know you better.

I love looking up dream meanings and being able to tie them back to my life and what I need to do. I think your creative mind is running on super octane right now! lol.:)

I certainly did not mean to be anonymous!

That was fabulous, just as I have felt....Tell us about your ideal make believe family???? lol